My father Carlos died in April. He was an example to many people including his children. He showed people the importance of family, friends, enjoying life, and helping others. He’s also remembered for his crazy ideas and the way he lived life by his own rules.

I could tell you how hard it is to lose someone who’s living far away, and go through a pandemic simultaneously, but instead, I want to focus on the pain that comes from suffering a loss.

Grief is suffered when a loved one passes away. But it can also be suffered from relocation, quarantines, and changes in routines when entering motherhood.

To keep holding on to the person you were before the unexpected events broke your routine causes sorrow. Not being able to call a loved one or to catch a plane to go in the event of an emergency, is an unbearable emptiness. Pain can come from not being able to meet up with a friend due to lock-downs and laugh about everyday difficulties, or dream of making this world a better place. Or the option to decide if you want to sleep through the night without waking up.

It is grief what is felt from these losses, but with varying intensity.

The grief comes from knowing that you can’t go back and be the same person you were. And if you hold on, you inevitably become blinded to new possibilities that life may present to you.
I’ll tell you a recent example. I am the regional leader of a Lean In network called Women in Silicon Valley. At the beginning of the year we met with co-founder, Irma Zoepf, to schedule meetings for the year. These included four workshops on different topics, including a workshop on Productivity and Time Management. The workshop was scheduled to be held in mid-March and would last two hours. The content was ready and we had even conducted technical tests in a multipurpose room, which was reserved and paid for.

Then we were surprised by the pandemic.The first reaction was to cancel everything, and of course, become depressed. But then, we evaluated our possibilities and decided to adapt the content for a webinar format. So, on April 1st we launched our first webinar.

Because of this webinar, many opportunities opened for us.

Focusing on what cannot be, and daydreaming about what could have been puts us in the wrong mentality. Then, we cannot not see the new possibilities that are available to us.

Sheryl Sandberd, in her book Option B, describes how to face adversity, develop resilience, and achieve happiness.

In writing this book, she drew on her own experience of losing her husband suddenly. After a traumatic event, some people develop anxiety or depression. Others are more resilient and return to their emotional state before the event. A third group grows up. This growth can take several forms, such as having deeper relationships, finding meaning in life, or discovering new possibilities.

Research has shown that we are not born with a certain amount of resilience, but that it is a muscle we can all develop.

Besides the shelter in place, I try to focus on positive things that are coming out of this pandemic. For instance, I’m grateful that:

  • Nature breathes a sigh of relief
  • My children learned to make bread.
  • I learned to do origami at Level One. I also learned how to make homemade pasta, Level Nona Isabel (paternal grandmother). I may lack qualified critics to back up this claim.
  • I have been more involved with my children academic progress.
  • For the first time, all four members of my family went out for a bike ride in the neighborhood.

I am convinced that in the face of this pandemic we will emerge stronger, and we will evolve as a society.

In the meantime, It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half full or half empty, there is always room for more wine.