For some time now, I have been thinking about how social constructions and women’s criticism influence our ideals about being the perfect woman and mother.
I remember being a new mom and receiving all kinds of conflicting advice: don’t carry your baby because he will be spoiled; too much stroller time is bad for him, he needs direct contact; apply the Estivill Method (“Go to Sleep Child” book); don’t be so insensitive, let him sleep in your bed.
This barrage of conflicting advice, plus my mom’s absence, and my hormone revolution became an explosive cocktail. It was very difficult for me to discern in all that noise and decide what was best for my baby and me.
Last week, the Girls Girls Girls Magazine published a video where Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City actress, reads prose-poetry by Camille Rainville titled “Be a Lady, They Said!”. It is a powerful audiovisual expression of the many conflicting messages, we women, receive.
We wonder why there are too few women in the workplace and in leadership roles.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Don’t work late.
In Germany, although there are family-friendly families, few mothers return to work after becoming mothers. When mothers were interviewed about their decision not to return to work, one German word was frequently repeated: Rabenmütter. In English, the term means “raven mother.” It is a derogatory word used to refer to mothers who work outside the home. A raven mother is a mother who primarily cares for her job and does not care about her children, is ambitious, and an unattractive woman.
Kristina Kusmic, a popular Mommy-blogger, describes this situation with humor in the following video.
You’re never going to win, says Kristina, so trust your instincts and decide what’s best for your family.
Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of stand-up comedy. I enjoy listening to female comedians like Ali Wong or Amy Schumer, who use humor to normalize the everyday life challenges we women face.
As the Argentinean actor Ricardo Darin said,
Humor is the best rescue from our miseries and dark areas because if we are solemn to everything that happens, we become darker and darker.
There is a reality that needs to change radically in order to bring about a change. Government and corporate policies, the representation of different success models, social and religious constructions regarding gender.
In the meantime, humor will save us.
I would like to know more about your experiences, please comment on the post or send an email to [email protected].
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash